The Ghastly Gumbo
Kitchens are scary places. They’re full of sharp objects, slippery wet surfaces, bottomless junk drawers, and scariest of all — broccoli. Oh, the horror.
I’m kidding. I love broccoli but kitchens are scary. Hey everyone needs to eat but not every one can cook. See what I mean and how you feel after reading the haunting true tale of, “The Ghastly Gumbo.”
“Smell this.” An innocuous request, especially in the kitchen. But this time it was noxious. I should’ve known given who was asking. She’s not mean spirited or a practical joker. She just can’t cook.
Well, that’s not entirely accurate. She’s just a slow cooker. It takes her awhile to get cooking and once she does, it takes her even longer to get it right. And this was her first gumbo.
My body impulsively heaved as I compulsively gagged. Shaking like I was possessed I couldn’t shake the smell of the ghoulish pot. It would have been better if I had been possessed by an evil spirit or a demon, at least then an exorcism would’ve ended my torment. But I wasn’t that lucky.
Instead I possess a highly attuned olfactory sense which triggered my strong gag reflex. And the only way to stop that otherworldly reaction is through sheer exhaustion. My gag reflex may be strong but my other reflexes are pretty weak. Besides, when something shakes you to the core you can either run away and hide, or look danger right in the eye and say, “Let’s split up and investigate this spooky old mansion.”
And like every horror movie character, ever, I learned to quickly rue those words. I also learned that I was smelling a roux. Actually I learned a lot more that night like:
- a roux done right takes time,
- it can smell a little like burned popcorn,
- burned popcorn makes me gag uncontrollably,
- and (most surprising) a slow cooker can make a decent gumbo.
Oh I learned one more thing — I don’t like gumbo.
This post is based on true events. It’s also inspired by this week’s BlogBattle theme, Flavor. I’m not in it to win it. I just want a cool scar. Plus the battle’s host, Rachael is pretty cool too!
© Indian Macgyver 2016