Kitchen Nightmares

The Ghastly Gumbo

Kitchens are scary places. They’re full of sharp objects, slippery wet surfaces, bottomless junk drawers, and scariest of all — broccoli. Oh, the horror.

I’m kidding. I love broccoli but kitchens are scary. Hey everyone needs to eat but not every one can cook. See what I mean and how you feel after reading the haunting true tale of, “The Ghastly Gumbo.”

α

“Smell this.” An innocuous request, especially in the kitchen. But this time it was noxious. I should’ve known given who was asking. She’s not mean spirited or a practical joker. She just can’t cook.

Well, that’s not entirely accurate. She’s just a slow cooker. It takes her awhile to get cooking and once she does, it takes her even longer to get it right. And this was her first gumbo.

My body impulsively heaved as I compulsively gagged. Shaking like I was possessed I couldn’t shake the smell of the ghoulish pot. It would have been better if I had been possessed by an evil spirit or a demon, at least then an exorcism would’ve ended my torment. But I wasn’t that lucky.

Instead I possess a highly attuned olfactory sense which triggered my strong gag reflex. And the only way to stop that otherworldly reaction is through sheer exhaustion. My gag reflex may be strong but my other reflexes are pretty weak. Besides, when something shakes you to the core you can either run away and hide, or look danger right in the eye and say, “Let’s split up and investigate this spooky old mansion.”

And like every horror movie character, ever, I learned to quickly rue those words. I also learned that I was smelling a roux. Actually I learned a lot more that night like:

  • a roux done right takes time,
  • it can smell a little like burned popcorn,
  • burned popcorn makes me gag uncontrollably,
  • and (most surprising) a slow cooker can make a decent gumbo.

Oh I learned one more thing — I don’t like gumbo.

Ω

This post is based on true events. It’s also inspired by this week’s BlogBattle theme, Flavor. I’m not in it to win it. I just want a cool scar. Plus the battle’s host, Rachael is pretty cool too!

© Indian Macgyver 2016

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16 thoughts on “Kitchen Nightmares

    1. thanks cathleen. in all honesty the gumbo was good, especially for the first time out, but i really just don’t like gumbo. but hey i got a good post out of it so the dinner wasn’t really wasted on anyone!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. hahahahahaha I died, OK not really because then I could not have written this, unless I was a ghost, ghosts cant type, they have no hands, wait they do they just lack substance….

    I care not much for burned popcorn, but burnt sugar is a whole other story.

    ~B

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hi B, your ghostly thoughts are worth a ponder. but i do believe future ghosts will be able to leave comments as they’l be more social media ready 😉 now on to more important stuff when you’re talking burnt sugar is that past caramelization?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. hahahahhaha oh no! Never past caramelization cause then it would just be burnt carbon….. no different from burning cardboard to ashes and eating them (not that I have ever tried that mind you)

        Liked by 1 person

    1. hiya sfj, i had to reread the post to see if i agree with you but in the end i still agree with the author 😉 i will say that as an kitchen adventurer myself i totally understand the need to venture down a new path or blaze a trail to get somewhere unexplored but i tend to do a little more planning for my trips than the aforementioned cook!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. well there’s no adventure without the risk of salmonella, i always say (note – i’ve never said that and hope i never do)

        p.s. your list of regrets has me thinking though i don’t think any of mine would be as good (or bad) as letting the confederates through the door!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. hey EE – it’s been too long indeed! i’m glad i’m back too, mainly because so many others are still around!! well if the chance presents itself give gumbo a whirl and let me know what you think.

      P.S. i still plan on answering your reader problem post, i started a draft quite awhile ago but when it comes to procrastination i’m something of savant 😉

      P.P.S. congrats on winning the last battle too!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It has been too long! It’s fun that so many of us are still here though, and plan to continue. 🙂 I will let you know when I try gumbo! 😀
        Ah yes, the reader problem post! You deserve a special award for this procrastination feat, my friend. 😉 J/k, I look forward to reading it, if/when/what-point-in-time you do post it!
        Thanks! I was beginning to think winning was beyond my reach lately, but then it happened. 🙂

        Like

    1. it’s an acquired taste, or so i’m told. no i think i just don’t like it much and as it comes from the state next door, louisiana, i’ve tried it enough times to know. but give it a taste for yourself you might be surprised (but i wouldn’t bet on it 😉 )

      Liked by 1 person

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