Begin

No one’s gonna miss one lily, she laughed spiriting the flower away. She liked lilies. He liked her.

He takes one off the piano and looks down at the already ruddy, reddish brown stain. Lilies leave their mark. She laughed. He smiles.

He’s not lonely. The dirge begins.

 

Ω

© Indian Macgyver 2017

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Begin

  1. Her joie de vivre is so clear through your use of dialogue here. I really like the way you used short sentences to emphasise the loss too. It’d be interesting to see each of those last three sentences standing alone as separate paragraphs. The silence between them would give the reader an opportunity to fill in the story.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. the dialogue cemented this post! until it fell into place i didn’t have something that made me happy. regarding the last three sentences, i almost did just that. but, i couldn’t decide which would be easier for the (casual) reader- more or less paragraphs. so i erred on the side posted.

      ps. i visited FLAsha tales to look for the “ashes” story but didn’t find it. send me a link if you will, thanks!

      Like

  2. She has such a light, carefree spirit. Loved that first line because I saw her.

    I got a bit confused when I realized that she had died. I think because the tense was in present at the beginning, I just missed that it was a recollection because it is so short. I didn’t expect the tense shift.

    Like

    1. i loved the first line too – it pulled the brief post together!

      the tense shift was a conscious choice but i agree it’s a bit confusing given the short form. i do enjoy that aspect of micro-prose though – putting as much as possible into as little as possible. but had there been more space allotted i may have expanded the story more. really appreciate the feedback, laissezfaire!

      Like

Hey Mac'

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s